


Swallowing the Sounds

by jupiter_james



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-24
Updated: 2010-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:10:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiter_james/pseuds/jupiter_james
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is nothing easy about the situation between them. No words to apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swallowing the Sounds

There is nothing easy about the situation between them. No matter how many times they collapse together after a mission in a tangle of limbs, reeking of sweat and dried blood, hands clapped to each other's mouths, swallowing the sounds of their passion, stroking each other until there is nothing left of the world around them, it never becomes easy. Nothing between them but the feeling building and erupting out of them.

Neither one of them can say a word during their encounters, but why would they? Affirmations aren't made for lovers, soul mates, or anything else so trivial. Confirming that your heart still beats – that death was cheated yet again – can only be done this way.

But is there something else? Squall can't stop to wonder as he takes the stairs of the hotel in Deling City at a dead sprint. His head is buzzing, heart thumping like it's about to bust out of his chest. He can barely breathe through the panic. _Zell._

Their usual room is at the end of the hall, two hundred steps away from the stairs, walking. Light slides out from under the door. Fear and the urge to vomit rise in his throat. _Please. Please._ Palms so sweaty that they slip on the handle several times before he can grasp it and rip it open. It slams shut behind him.

His heart stops and stutters. Zell is standing in the middle of the room, shirt and arms soaked with blood. His head is down, fists clenched, sobs audible.

A hand outreached, stumbling forward a step. What is this? Zell flings something at his feet. It glitters and _tinks_ to the carpet. ID tags. _No. Not this. Not for Zell. He's too fucking pure for this._

Blue eyes rise to meet grey. For the first time in his adult life, Squall feels the urge to cry. He's never seen that sort of anger and grief before. And it's his fault. He'd given Zell command of the mission. _Fuck, why on such a dangerous mission? Why didn't I_ think_ for once about what would happen?! I knew it! I knew it! I ruined him! It's my fault!_

He lunges forward, grabs Zell and forces him to the bathroom, tossing him into the shower. The water is cold and then hot in a flash. He removes their clothes as quickly as he can, tossing them to a wet heap in the corner of the bathroom. Grabbing the soap, he desperately scrubs every inch of Zell that his shaking hands can reach. The soapy water turns pink, spiraling down the drain. The other doesn't even move for a long time watching the suds wash away the visible evidence of his failure to protect his teammates. He glances up. Squall is grinding his teeth together as he scrubs and scrubs. Is he crying? Zell reaches up and closes a strong hand around Squall's throat, dragging him out of the spray of water to shove him against the tiled wall.

There are no words to apologize. Squall will take whatever punishment Zell thinks he deserves with his mouth shut. He drinks in the look of rage in Zell's eyes, thinking that if Zell is going to take some revenge, Squall could do worse than to breathe his last here. Suddenly the air rushes back into his lungs as Zell releases him and turns around to face the wall, bracing himself. It takes a moment to dawn on Squall that Zell is hard and waiting for _his_ punishment. The thought sends a jolt through Squall, instantly giving him a hard-on. With a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, he shoves into Zell with no preparation and only the soap as lubricant.

Zell yells out in pain and pleasure, clenching tightly around Squall. Their movements are rough, they can't be any other way tonight. Hands snake out to grab a handful of blonde hair, pulling hard. Every moan, every gasp, every scream cuts Squall to the core. Body aches wrack him mercilessly hovering somewhere between agony and ecstasy. _Zell, Zell, he is so precious. He's so bright and beautiful and why, _why_ do I have to tarnish every piece of gold that I touch?_ He bites his lip until it bleeds, unwilling to cry out; unwilling to lose himself this time. He claws long trails on Zell's back, tarnishing more and more.

Zell comes hard and fast, two seconds before Squall does. Zell's tears knife down his cheeks as his body shakes with despair and release. He swings back to face Squall, throwing himself into his commander's arms. Silence but for the sound of water. Silence but for the words of forgiveness.


End file.
